In every relationship I have with another person, whether it is with a friend, bestfriend, family, or a lover, it is always define by arguments, fights, and debates. To some people, too much of this stuff is bad, which is true in my case as well. But what you don’t get, and you probably will never understand, is that the only reason our relationship is still standing strong is because of the arguments we have encountered within our relationship. It’s those moments that we made mistakes and discussed them that gave our relationship a foundation, a mutual understanding that we both want to make it work, that is why we argue so that we can right our wrongs. But to you, it is a nuisance. It’s annoying because somehow, it’s me who seems to always have a problem with what you do. And you know what, I wouldn’t have a problem if you just simply think of me, consider my feelings when you decide to do something. I mean yeah, the choices you make may seem not a big deal but when you begin to break promises and agreements left and right and those little things become a big thing. And sadly, I will point them out, every single one of them until you begin to understand that your words, mean a lot to me than you think. Your promises, well, they’re what I hold to when I’m not next to you. And my trust, it’s weighted upon your ability to keep your words. SO far, I’m slowly losing my trust on you and your empty words. So, this leads to arguments, sometimes even fights which I still end up being the one to apologize because you’re to damn stubborn and prideful to do so. So, since you’re getting tired of me trying to correct your wrongs, pointing out the things I don’t lie, I’ll stop. I’ll let you have your way. Hopefully we manage to make this relationship last without getting bored of our own fake smiles.

With every word.

So, I realized I’ve never actually talked about myself here. So, I’ll take this time to say a few words which defines me. First of all, I’m that person who will always speak their mind. Don’t get me wrong, I know when to hold my self back so that I won’t get into deep trouble but, I still manage to get my opinion, idea, and thoughts out there somehow. So yes, I’m that person, the person who will never be afraid to be blunt and straight forward if they have to. That person you can always expect to receive an honest answer, whether it will hurt you or comfort you, I wouldn’t change my answer. Because that’s me.

With every word.

Every single damn time, it’s you.

Hey, I just want to tell you about this girl. You see, she’s this amazing person. She makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me feel wanted, and most of all she makes me feel like I deserve the best. So I’m gonna tell you a little bit about her. First of all, the first time I saw her I told myself, “Oh! Cute Asian girl! I’m gonna go sit next to her.” And I did. Couple weeks later here I am dating this amazing girl. Never have I dated a girl who actually saw the same thing I saw in relationships. She wanted to do the things I wanted to do. Like a walk in the beach while watching the sunset, star gazing, hiking, playing video games, red blanket picnic at the park, and all these little simple things. And the best part is, she tries as much as I do. You know that moment in every friendship/relationship that defines whether that person is a keeper? Well I just had that today. Sometimes that moment can be an amazing event, like perhaps your friend takes you out in one of those nights you’ll never forget. Or perhaps it can be a simply gesture like a really funny joke that binds the two of you together. Or perhaps an inside joke that shows your compatibility when it comes to sense of humor. but to me, it was a gesture that showed how much she wanted this friendship/relationship to last. You see, there has never been a time when someone actually chased after me after I storm off. Usually when I get prideful I just leave without a word. And most of the people would just ignore it, some will text or call me to come back. But no. This girl was different. Instead of just staying there in the hall way, watching me walk away, she came running after me. She didn’t reach me until I was outside the building but that’s okay. The mere fact that she chased after me, HAH! Breathless! It was that moment in life that I knew she was a keeper. And I would not want myself to screw this one up.

“Life is not measured by the numbers of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.”

With every word.

So it’s been a month now since I first laid eyes on you. This past month has been wonderful. I’ve never thought I’d fall for a girl this fast. Everything you do just tickles my heart. The look in your eyes when you stare in mine just shows so much emotions. That look in your eyes holds all these endless possibilities. It’s a look that tells me that there is potential in our little friendship-relationship~ish. Whenever you look me in the eye I can’t help but scream inside. I can’t help but tell myself how lucky I am to be standing with you under the night sky. I can’t help but be amazed by your every move. The way you would randomly kiss me, hug me, and hold my hand just simply takes me away. I know it’s weird that I’m feeling this now, but I can’t help it. I feel so comfortable with you. I mean I understand we don’t really know each other but there’s that comfort I feel as if I’ve known you for years. It’s this feeling that tells me we have so much going on for the both of us. It shows me that our relationship has potential. And I can’t wait to see the day we meet those potentials.

With every word.

It’s like you come up with this idea. An idea that is so amazing that you can’t stop thinking about it. You keep thinking about it so much, you realize you’re in love with this idea you created. So you try to make this idea into something more real, and to do that you need to apply this idea into the real world. So you try and try and try to make it real and finally, you do. You managed to turn this idea into reality. You live this idea, thinking that nothing can possibly go wrong because in your head this idea was so perfect, even a slight fault did not exist with it. You start thinking that you’re in love with this reality you have created for yourself only to watch it crumble into tiny little pieces of what you expected it to be. That’s when you realize that your biggest mistake is turning that idea into reality, assuming that everything would be perfect because in your head that idea was the most perfect thing that ever existed in this world. And finally, after realizing that this reality you set out for yourself was not the same as your idea, you begin to hurt people around you. You begin to hurt yourself for being so foolish. And in the end, after everything you expected to achieve, the only thing that was truly real was the fact that it wasn’t reality you were so in love with, nor was it the idea you thought of. But it was the idea of turning your idea into reality that you were so in love with.

You won’t realize the true potential of an Idea if you never set it out to be real.

With every word.

Ha! Finally! It’s about time we’ve met. I didn’t really expect it to be like that. I mean, I didn’t expect you to be so short! And definitely did not expect it to be with your friends. I mean, at first I was super nervous. Like no joke. I started taking deep breaths before I walked into the restaurant because I was that nervous. But when I saw you, every worry just vanished. I was ecstatic when you came rushing towards me while all your friends looked at us awkwardly as if we’ve never met each other. Which is funny because we haven’t met each other until that time! After that everything was a blur. Just laughters and smiles all day with you.

With every word,

Hey You!

Well we’ve never really met in person. But whenever we talk I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I feel like we’ve share so many experiences yet, we’ve never laid eyes on each other. It sucks because I really do want to meet you. Every time we talk I can;t help but put on a smile because the very moment I see your face through webcam I feel so happy. It’s weird but I feel like you will be around for a long time. And one day, I will have the guts to step up and tell you how amazing you are, even though I don’t really know a lot about you. One day, I’ll be able to hug you and perhaps even kiss you. But for now, I’ll bury all these emotions and feelings under my smile and try to get to know you one smile and laughter at a time.

With every word,

Here’s to the mistakes that I’ve made in the past year. And here’s to the new ones I’m going to make this year. Here’s to the complicated year that just ended. And here’s to the time of the year when we start to evaluate ourselves. I’ve made plenty of mistakes last year. I don’t see 2011 as a new start, I see it as a chance to change, a motivator that encourages me to do something different about this year. I’ve made plenty of wrong decisions the past year, but I do not regret any of them. I’ve burned plenty of bridges because of my insensitive decisions. I’ve broken plenty of hearts because of arrogance and self-confidence. I’ve turned friends into enemies that slowly tried to kill my very existence. (Not literally more like reputation wise). I’ve said harmful words that pierced a persons soul, robbing them of their pride and dignity. This past year is not all bad decisions and terrible loses. A wise man once said, “You win some, you lose some.” But I like to think that I won more than I lost. I managed to gain my bestfriends back towards the end of the year. My bond between them solidify through the times that we were apart. I also discovered other bestfriends that had always existed in the shadows, waiting to light up my life when the dark days come. But here’s to a better a year. A year where I will grow to be a better person each and everyday. I will try to boost my wisdom towards relationships, avoid braking hearts, and being heart broken. I will become far more productive than I was a year ago, a week ago,and yesterday. I will understand what happiness is really about. So here’s me raising a glass to 2011!

With every word.

I had a dream last night. It was interesting yet scary for me. I felt something that I wish i could feel in real life. In that dream, I felt complete. I felt like everything is possible for me. I didn’t have to be afraid of anything. I felt like love can never leave my side. I want that feeling. I want to feel it while I am awake. I don;t want it all to be just in my head. I miss that feeling. Sometimes, I wonder what happened that made me lose that feeling. With every word.